The World Keeps On Turning...And Fast

Latest Session

So it's been a while. I've neglected my blog, my writing, even my reading, and am feeling out of touch so-to-speak with all of my worlds. I can't keep up. So here is a speed-of-light self-reflection with the hopes of finding stable ground by the end.

Deep breath.

And begin.

Report cards, interviews, Ben crying over a "really bad day and I can't do patterns in math". Teacher says he is doing great!! Great. I think. Still crying. Bullying not gone but at least not physical and school is actually, get this, working on our side! Imagine that. K8 has a B...a B...in math, up two grades. Hooray!!

Work...crashing patients, disgruntled patients and families over crap that is the fault of the system and the "ass" at the head of our Health Board (much thanks Mr. Duckett. Going to trash your house when I find out where you live) chaos, pulling out hair and wondering, why in the hell did I choose this career? Right. Helping people and all that crap. Need to focus on writing, moving my fantasy 'career life' to reality.

Ugh.

Christmas. CHRISTMAS! Shopping, decorating, baking, music. Oh, I love it all, I really do. But this year began with the annual argument.....

Me: can we please hang lights on the house this year?
Hubby: Bah humbug. (He actually says this.)
Me: come on! The kids want them sooooo bad.
K8: Doesn't matter to me.
Ben: Whatever.
Me: Are you freakin' kidding me???

This year, however, I won!! Candy cane lights ready to line garage, reindeer for my lawn, so many plans....then it snowed, minus 40 with the windchill and once again, decorating is crapped on until a break in weather comes. (Might hunt down the damn weather man.)

Girl Guides. Volunteering is a great thing, don't get me wrong. But I already have a job and enough "life in general" that the hours put into Guiding has come to be an enormous pain in the ass.

Reminder to Self: Commitment made. Stick it out. Then K8 says one day, "Mom, I don't know if I want to keep going to Guides."

Don't get me started.

Kung Fu (where I don't volunteer) has turned out to be a nice one hour break where I have to do NOTHING! Except watch little Benny doing his kick ass moves on the big guys. Kayso, slight over exaggeration. He's only in week 6.

The Puppy!! LOVE her. So fun. So cute So pretty....peed on carpet, high energy spin cycle at two designated hours of the day, and my kitchen chair corners are forever chewed and slobbered on. Still, that Bella front toothed "smile"greeting you in the morning is pretty awesome.

And finally, my writing. I did manage to dedicate some time to fixing up my website and giving my book its very own page and blog. This, to me, is very exciting. So everyone else, get excited and pass it around so I can sell some more books already!!!!

So that only scratches the surface, but the deeper stuff will remain inward until un-designated time of self-explosion and nervous &/or mental breakdown occurs.

Until then, further plans for promoting self: At a standstill. As I said, my world is spinning too fast and I can't fit anything else into it. Fame and fortune, I will see you soon!! Just maybe not reeeaaal soon.

I wonder if Oprah, Ellen or Rachael Ray would like a copy of my book to peruse without any intention whatsoever of said author looking for a plug. (I am sure no one else has thought of it.)

A quote from K8:

"I think the people at the hospital wouldn't make you work all the time if they knew how much your family missed you."

Puppy Love

Latest Session

Today I really need therapy. Again, my head seems to be out of the writing mode and on to something else when it comes to the blogging zone.

Tonight, we have made our choice of puppy at the breeders. Yes, this is an exciting time. We thought hard, looked at all of the pictures, have been anticipating this day with so much joy I could burst. We love her already and can't even bring her home for another three weeks.

But when I brought her picture up online moments ago, this time knowing for the first time she would be ours, I cried.

I miss my Rosie.

We lost our first pup six months ago, not exactly a pup at nearly thirteen years old but a fighter til the end. That was her spirit. Always.

She couldn't go for a run if she wasn't givin' 'er through a field, scooting like a small rabbit with back feet carrying her, though she was 70 lbs of American Bully.

She wouldn't chase a stick into the water unless it was at least half her size. If it was too heavy, she'd just drag it back to shore and along the ground, waiting for us to heave it up and toss it back. I laugh at your small twigs. Don't even pretend to amuse me.

She tore through a barbed wire fence once before we could stop her, tearing a wound on her side but kept trucking as if she didn't feel it, only to finally crash after a long hike the second she made it through the back gate. Much like the hole pierced in her ear from another dog in the first month we had her. We didn't know about that one until we brought her home hours later.

She took a dive off a cliff at Writing on Stone Park. Because the deer jumped. I was chasing the deer. Seriously, what did you expect? That I let it one up me? We thought we'd lost her that time until she came sauntering down the path to the campsite a couple of hours later.

Age 12, less than a year before she died, she ran around the farm as if she was ten years younger, tongue hanging out the side her mouth, happiest she could have been to be keeping up with the younger dogs--until she crashed. Literally. And didn't get up for an hour.

Even at the end, she looked at me from the floor, fighting to even lift herself to go outside to pee because she refused to give in. She went on a week, still pushing through for the cuddles and attention and as long as we were with her, she didn't seem to notice. Until the last day. And I knew she was done.

One of the hardest things to do was to let her go, and until now, I haven't felt guilty for moving forward, finding another bully.

And I've been crying like a baby.

Our new little pup will never replace her, I know that. But crap, does the reality of life ever hit home at the worst of times. Just when I'm supposed to be excited to welcome home another. But we will and it will be okay. And I know we didn't make this decision just to replace her.

I miss the clacking of her nails around the lino. I miss her bear sized nudges for attention. I miss that she would stop eating if it meant a cuddle instead. I miss her half growl-half wine when she wanted our attention. And yes, I even miss the first pair of shoe she chewed. And the many that followed. And the remote controls, couch cusions, two foot length of lino and floorboards.

The house is too quiet. The bedroom floor is empty at night. And there is no one at the door to greet us when we're home.

I need to replace those things.

I miss you Rose. And I know you will love Bella as much as us.